Cold Sheets

Uhg, for anyone who cares, the honesty and unfiltered nature of my being has caused me to be unable to post real events onto my deformed ear blog. A lot has occurred.

I now live on my own as "A" and I have called it a day. 1,460 days to be near exact. We grew tremendously together in ways, but things deteriorated as time went on and it was time to separate. "A" felt that I was impeding her from being who she wanted to be because she was always focused on me. So, I helped her move to Quincy and I'm still in my same residence scratching and clawing to make ends meet. I know, don't cry for me Agentina right?

Anyways, "A" took Jasmine which hurt at first but oddly enough we have a new mascot in the hallways of my apartment. A cat that I've named "fleas", and sometimes I call it "tits". It's done a good job of filling the void of having a cat full time.

I finished out my spring semester of college with wonderful grades, and I've been lucky enough to delve into intimacy quickly thereafter "A" and I's breakup. Don't think I move quickly, there is a reason the intimacy came so quickly. But, truth be told I should be getting used to being alone and figuring out how to fully live on my own. But, it's been a couple of months now and I've been holding down the fort rather well if I don't say so myself. Whatever, it's much more fun to have everything on your plate with a little chance of failure, then play it safe and miss all the fun.

It's been liberating living alone. The silence is so nice most of the time, but the truth of the matter is that "A" is the most wonderful person on Earth. A good soul, sweet charm, goofy girlie character that can make you smile wide. I could live with her as easily as I could live with family, which is usually an indicator that that's ahead in a couples future. It hurts to let go of someone who knows you so well, but the truth is I've done her a tremendous favor. I thought I could help her grow, but she is the only one who can allow herself to grow and become the person she wants to be. It became clearer and clearer as the small time we spent wore on. Plus, she doesn't have to live with me, which would help anyone's sanity in that predicament.

I'm happy, but it hurts to turn away from "A", and I find it unfair that I can be happy while she rebuilds and tries to find happiness. Funny, it's usually me always on the other end of the stick. But I always take solace in the fact that the other person got what they really wanted, and that they were happy. Unfortunately, in this position, there is only guilt. It's not fair that good people get hurt, at either end. But such is the bitter sweetness of life. I'm sure I'll get mine someday soon for being happy.

Cold Sheets

The rain comes, and washes away the sorry lives of us all.

To make a clean slate for the sun to dry.

This is where we can sweat, and breath, and meet.

Finding a way to find ourselves.

But the rain hasn't stopped.

The streets, now torrents of white water.

Showing us what we try so desperately to hide.

Black clouds roll overhead, miles wide.

Amazing how lonely we feel without the sun.

How trivial the window blinds now seem.

The hapless sun is sure to come, skin waiting between cold sheets.

Hoping soon, we'll be warm again. To sweat, and breath, and meet.

ps - None of the music works except this song. I had to cut back on internet expenses. But, I'll get some free server space soon.

Building for the Future

So Beo finally got a good enough credit card, that didn't want all the annual fees, and hidden charges, and all the other reaming usually required.

I think the only reason for that is because I'm a student, and It's a student Visa. But, wow..after all the offers I turned down for shady get you in debt cards, I'm really glad one that actually didn't want my money initially, and wants to help me build credit came along. I've been afraid to get a credit card because my parents had insurmountable credit card debt before I was even born. So I remember a lot of confusingly tearful nights. Hey, they haven't paid it off still today. They think the statue of limitations ran out! God bless em'. They are both true to the American way. Cheat if you can to stay on top. Hang everything in the balance, and you may just not get caught. I think my parents taught me a good lesson.

Learn from their mistakes.

So, everything sounds rosy and cheery. Except for the revelation of what I chose for my first two purchases with my first Visa, which depicts a cat with a bird on it's head for a touch of moronism. Porn, and gasoline.

Two major pseudo-underground economies. I've been holding out on using the Visa card for the simple fact of making small needed purchases, as not to be spend thrifty with money that really isn't mine. "A" has been saying, "Use your freaking credit card already will ya!" No..no. I say. We'll use it on gas, groceries, and emergency things. Trust me. Plus, I want to start out making 20$ - 30$ purchases here or there. Just to be safe.

So. One lonely night I ordered a month subscription to a favored deviant site for 20$, and a few days later to fill up the car for $20 again. That's enough until the bill comes in. But, as I pumped the gas I realized what I had done at $16.37. What a deviant and sick bastard I am. The sex industry, and terrorism all in about a week.

I honestly think of myself as a decent person. My credit card begs to differ.

Prophet Mohammed Cartoon Hooded Sweatshirt

Never Going to be at the One Eared Store.
The Danish Free Press 1eared Hoodie.


The image of the prophet Mohammed that enraged Muslims' to riot in the streets, kill one another. Does anyone else see something extreme about that? If not, you're way too religious.

The top emblem will be emblazoned on the front.
The back is shown as such.

More on this later.

UPDATE: CafePress has taken the hoodie down, and have expressed that the only way I can get it made is if I have express permission from Jyllands-Posten, the Danish newspaper that first published Kurt's cartoon of Mohammed with a bomb in his turban. He is now in hiding from the backlash of a hypocritical protest when many Muslim regions depict Jewish people in political cartoons with hooked noses, and other racial indecencies . Yet, when there prophet Mohammed is depicted they lash out in violence and anger, and are shown for the true extremist animals that they can be. Of course, there must be a measure of understanding to the fact that the amount of extremists are only a infinitesimal percentage of the good and well spoken Muslim community, which I chat with on a daily routine at my place of work. I am lucky enough to have such a rich cultural mixture in my work environment. You have to understand that the impoverish Muslim is highly impressionable, and is at their wits end. Religion is sometimes their only escape, and others of power will feed on their own people to create monsters that Americans fear. Sadly, they're truly no different than you or I. This is why I am trying to create this hoodie. To fight against the fact that we choose to feel the way we do about a poor people, because if they were given the same luxuries we are given, it wouldn't nearly be as dramatic. And that is a problem with our own government itself.

I am currently in contact with Denmark's Jyllands-Posten newspaper, and we are working on an agreement that will satisfy our goals.

Until there is Equality, there will never be Freedom.

UPDATE: After some e-mails and a couple of expensive phone calls it seems the only way I can get the hoodie made at this time is from the express permission of the illustrators (feels like a run-around). It amazes me that people can tattoo swastikas on themselves, along with upside-down crosses. That's okay in America, but if you screw around with a prophet with a bomb in his turban....which totally illustrates the extremism in question, then bombs away I guess. Look, I know Muslims' believe in Jesus as well, maybe not in the way that Catholics do, but if I see someone mocking Jesus. I'm not going to burn and pillage houses and kill people. I apologize, I see freedom of speech as more important than religion. Religion wouldn't be so extreme if people weren't so desolate. As the towering nation, that is our responsibility to try to fix. Alright, so we would all be poorer for the cause, hell....maybe we might all be even. Wouldn't you rather that, than have people that grasp religion to the bitter death, because that is all they have to believe in? You must know that the people that keep these people poor have a far savvier outlook on what they are trying to accomplish, and it has nothing to do with the prophet Mohammed. It has to do with oppression.

UPDATE: After further contact with Jyllands-Posten, I've been given an e-mail address that will allow me to contact the illustrators, such as Kurt Westergaard. I have also been lead to a link that allows anyone to use the images, bearing that you give money for an international prize for cartoonists, to be awarded to a recognized and committed cartoonist who in the form of satirical cartoons has focused on important societal matters.


LAST UPDATE 2/14/06: -----Original Message-----
From: Christian Dølpher
[mailto:Christian.Doelpher@journalistforbundet.dk]
Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2006 3:52 PM
To: Beo
Subject: SV: Cartoon Usage


The cartoonists will only alow reproduction if this is done in connection with
editorial coverage in newsmedia or similar media.


Yours faithfully
Dansk Journalistforbund

Christian Dølpher
Legal adviser

-----Oprindelig meddelelse-----
Fra: Beo
Sendt: 14. februar 2006 21:32
Til: Christian Dølpher
Emne: RE: Cartoon Usage

Profit is not my chief aim, which is exactly the definition of commercial usage. I've taken any profit that I could possibly make out of the equation from CafePress (CafePress would make a profit unfortunately). My editorial style web journalism agrees wholeheartedly with the sentiment in which the cartoon is drawn. The reason for the use is to show the hypocrisy an image can cause in the hearts of the extremists, when the sentiment clearly shows how confused the extremists really are.

Please, you must understand. This is not something people are going to want to buy, as they would fear for their safety. It's the fact of not being able to use the image in an honest free media outlet. This is something I would be proud to achieve, for myself. I understand there is a fee involved and I would be willing to pay that if need be, but I would need the documentation for proof of use.

Respectfully yours, please reconsider,
Beo

-----Original Message-----
From: Christian Dølpher
[mailto:Christian.Doelpher@journalistforbundet.dk]
Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2006 3:07 PM
To: Beo
Subject: SV: Cartoon Usage


The cartoonists will not allow any commercial use of the drawings.

You can read the guidelines for use here:
http://www.journalistforbundet.dk/sw35864.asp

http://www.journalistforbundet.dk/sw35845.asp

All commercial and political use will be prosecuted on behalf of the
cartoonists.


Yours faithfully
Dansk Journalistforbund

Christian Dølpher
Legal adviser


-----Oprindelig meddelelse-----
Fra: Beo
Sendt: 13. februar 2006 15:04
Til: cartoon
Emne: Cartoon Usage

I would like to know if I will be permitted to use one of the Mohammed images to promote freedom of expression in the way depicted in the link? I feel freedom of expression should be held higher than religious beliefs, and I find it disgustingly hypocritical that many satirical cartoons in Muslim areas depict Jews with hooked noses and other racial indecencies, yet when their prophet is depict with an exacting sentiment, the powers that be entice the poor to burn and pillage. If I pay the fee to depict Kurt Westergaard's image can it be used as depicted in the link below. I also encourage you to read my views if you have a moment.

http://1earman.blogspot.com/

Thank you. And well done by the Denmark Press.

Sincerely,
Beo
USA

Happy Merry New Year HanuChristmasQuanzica

Yeah, I'm giving a shout out. Funny..people used to read this.


Well, I can't blame them for not reading. I fell off the horse. Got back on, and fell off again. Meanwhile, I found out my Father is now living as a transvestite and my mother is drinking again. There are lots of tactful advantages in the stock market, and I will never get a mortgage on my own.

I've lied to everyone in the last few months, hoarding money from the family and spending nary a cent on anyone. So I decided to spend the money I saved on fixing the car radiator which flooded the transmission. I've had to negotiate with my girlfriend about my masturbation habits. She says it cheapens the idea of sex to her, and that she feels she is competing against the sluts from our friendly internet. Will women ever understand men, and vice versa? The fact that I asked the question seems to be the answer.

We are at our wits end as a couple. I am an optimist with the sex drive of Clydesdale, and an idea for the future. "A" is the exact opposite of me, never understanding what it is she wants or needs. Never understanding why things don't go her way, and why I can't be the person she wants me to be for her. She wants a little puppy, and I am a bull-dog. Fortunate how I except her for every nasty wart, tooth and nail. Yet, I have to change because it will be better for me in the end, and hopefully when all is said and done; she will have found herself and we will walk off into the sunset. This is a great hope with a door closing by the minute.

"A" is the consummation of "Perfection imperfections". Never has a soul been so wonderfully nice and considerate and caring. Yet, so confused and lost, and unwilling. I guess I shouldn't find it so amazing as percentages play that there are far more out there. Either way there is two ends of the rope, and one will soon be met.

Regarding school, I passed biology with a C+ and my Literature class with an A. I will never forget my Italian Professor's ass in Biology class. She may have been 40-50 years of age, but her accent imbued her derriere, which in my mind, begged for my attention. Thank God that class is over, as she spelled phonetically in her power point presentation, as well as tell the class that there was no DNA in hair. Only protein?!?! My Literature Professor was actually the greatest teacher I've ever had so far in my college career. He spoke with passion, and actually got me interested in reading titles that are worthwhile to read.

In regard to work, I am now doing a new study for cardiac transplant patients that may allow them to never need to have a cardiac tissue biopsy ever again. If test bloods that I collect can show that the patient is rejecting a heart, you will never again need to have a stint run through your body and into your heart, removing heart tissue. Sounds like a good thing.

Merry Xmas - Happy New Year - And all that good stuff.

Beo

Disgustingly Back

"Yup, I've been gone for a disgustingly long time. You don't live with me!" - OEM


No I'm sorry. Really things have been crazy.

What do you want me to say? Just relax with me for a minute. If we can cuddle, I'll go down and make you a hot pocket downstairs in the kitchen.

Same Sex Pregnancies,....Why Not?

Slowly, but surely we are letting the walls down. State-by-state same sex couples are making headway, and for all intent and purposes, been living in happiness for years anyways.

We all want equal rights. What my opinion is on the whole matter is irrelevant, I want to talk science. We were discussing the human zygote and it's workings in my Biology class, until I stopped my Professor and asked, "If the whole point of fertilizing the zygote is based on giving it both pairs of genes from the parents, wouldn't it be possible for same sex couples to have children?"

Dead silence, and some people in the front row turn and look at me.

My Professor says in her thick Italian accent, "What do you ask?"

Beo - "Couldn't you inject a zygote with the genes of either two men, or two women and it would be possible for the egg to determine what it wants to be from the dormant X or Y genes provided by the couples mothers and fathers. There would have to be a surrogate mother in the case of two men, but the same sex females could actually get to decide who gets to be pregnant with their child, right?

Professor - "No, this would be unethical. And there could be unforeseen chances of XXY, or XYY and other unwanted genetic abnormalities." Meaning hermaphrodites and such.

Beo - "Well that occurs anyways. Who's to say it wouldn't work out?"

Professor, getting aggravated - "No, this would be unethical. We don't do these things."

Beo - "I'm just saying, it's possible right? Then that would tear down the whole religious belief that homosexuality is immoral, because it's not possible to conceive with same sex couples."

Professor, ready to move on - "No, the idea is immoral in it's own right, and anyone who tried to do it should be arrested." The whole class chuckles. So do I.

She moves on to talk about gene discrepancies and deletions that occur naturally and unnaturally, like in the case of Amish communities. I couldn't hold back, and I hit her with my Global Inbreeding Scenario, and said that it has to be an eventuality that we will all be related at some point. She reiterated how the occurrence of chiasma and recombinant DNA stops these things from happening, which I understood, but I asked what about the Amish communities. They have recombinant DNA, and I understood that the group was a lot closer knit than the entire globe, but aren't we all just one big Amish community in a broader sense?

The class is just staring at me. It's not uncomfortable though, because I'm friendly with everyone in the class. I just hope they don't think I'm trying to be cool, and act like I'm deep. I honestly just have questions, and she's a professor.

The professor laughs and points at me, "You are crazy, but you have good thoughts and questions. I don't know what to tell you. In a sense you are right, I guess it could be possible given enough time. But I think we are going to be alright, and we won't have to worry about it."

People are mocking me as we go to walk out of the classroom, and the Professor points at me on the way out and calls me crazy again.

On the way out of the school I joke with fellow student Declum (the guy who stutters). "Hey, maybe by allowing same sex couples to have children we could increase our time before inbreeding occurs. They would add even newer variants of recombinant DNA and the like, right?"

"Yo-You-You're and idiot.", Declum says.

Loving Me, Loving You

Empathy is my closest lover, and enemy.


So intricate, so infinite, so excruciating. It's madness ongoing as you hold love for so many, yet the deep loves last for eternity. The years, they turn their back on us one-by-one. But some years take a glance back, and the ache is immense.

All the while the present is aching your bones to the breaking point. What a blissful pain. There is no place I'd rather be, but it runs from you and I. Through the crisp October air it sits across the field. Sitting upon the grass and staring up at the stars, coming out through a perse sky. I turn, and my eyes fill with you and we kiss, all the while time rots us, and the world around us.

You dance for me and the wind begins to blow, and it quenches me like the first water that touched lips. Your dress flirting with the wind, your shoes dangling from my fingers. And you're giggling, we're giggling and I look away to take it all in. Nothing really matters when you're in love.

But it's an entity now, love. Will you ever come back to me, love? Wholly, and complete I mean. Fall leaves roll across the field. Still hanging onto life even though they've separated from the branch. They dance too, in relativity. Yet there I sit alone looking up at the stars, you're gone now. I looked away for a moment and you floated up into my constellation. Shoes still in hand and a giggle in my ear.

Rotting. Love is your heart. Your face. It changes shape with time and bodies, and the chase seems neverending. The center of the chest, a cage for love.

And love is immense...

Don't call it a Comeback

Sylvester Stallone is signing on to reprise his role as boxer Rocky Balboa in the sixth installment of the long-running film series, which he wrote and will direct.

The film, titled "Rocky Balboa," will be co-produced and co-financed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Columbia Pictures and Revolution Studios and will be distributed by Columbia Pictures.

Stallone has been trying to make a sixth movie for years and has been reworking a script. The latest version, which sources said is similar to the tone and grit of the first two movies, persuaded the studios to negotiate a deal.

"In many ways, the screenplay really took me back to the original 'Rocky,"' Revolution Studios founder Joe Roth said in a statement. "As a past champion, Rocky Balboa is once again a regular guy who has to find himself and deal with real life. This film brings Rocky's story full circle."

In the new installment, Rocky, lonely and retired in Philadelphia, comes out of retirement, intending to fight a few low-profile local fights. He's approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason "The Line" Dixon, and soon his comeback ignites a media firestorm.

"'Rocky Balboa' is about everybody who feels they want to participate in the race of life, rather than be a bystander," Stallone said in a statement. "You're never too old to climb a mountain, if that's your desire."

Shooting is scheduled to begin in December in Los Angeles and Philadelphia

Stallone received Academy Award nominations for starring in and writing "Rocky," and the 1976 MGM film won an Oscar for best picture, best director (John G. Avildsen) and best editing (Richard Halsey, Scott Conrad). The movie grossed $117.3 million at the domestic boxoffice, making Stallone a film star and creating one of cinema's most famous characters.

It also launched one of the most successful film series of all time. 1979's "Rocky II" grossed $85 million, and 1982's "Rocky III," which featured Mr. T, grossed $120.2 million. "Rocky IV," with Dolph Lundgren' made $125.4 million after its 1985 release. By the decade's close, however, audiences seemed to have tired of the character. "Rocky V," released in 1990, made only $40 million.

"Rocky Balboa" is the first film to be green-lit by MGM since it was acquired by Sony Corp.- By Borys Kit

Boy, I hope the script is good. I don't think you can really make apple pie any better than what it already is. I'll definitely see it though.

Tropic of Cancer

"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."-Henry Miller 12/26/1891 - 6/7/1980


I am highly excited about my third literature essay due in December. We were given three lists of "Top 100's", and "Most Influential", and my professors "Top Choices" that made up about three-hundred titles of great literary works combined. The best part is that I only recognized a couple, so there is a complete world I haven't even touched. I instantly hung the list up on my refrigerator when I got home, and even "A" got excited because she is constantly reading and always looking for good titles. Look no more.

I was humbled by how little I really now about great literary titles, that is to say I know nothing at all. Yet I have, at one time or another, enjoyed when a book I read gave me a new feeling of awareness and understanding. That, is what the whole sha-banga-bang is about when it comes to literature. So now I have a whole arsenal of good reads dangling from the fridge. I'm so stoked! (I know you think I'm a dork)

I was completely in shock when I saw one book on the long list of choices, was one that I tried to get at my local library last year and didn't, because I was told they would have to order it in for me. "Nah, forget it then," I said to the librarian. Why? Because the lazy habits I've formed for reading in my life has lead to a non-hunger to read. Self awareness can be a wonderful thing. So now, I not only get to redeem myself, but I get to get a good grade for it as well.

The book I was looking for was Henry Miller's "Tropic of Cancer". The supposed pinnacle of his unorthodox style of literature, here is an abstract.

"Autobiographical novel by Henry Miller, published in France in 1934 and, because of censorship, not published in the United States until 1961. Written in the tradition of Walt Whitman and Henry David Thoreau, it is a monologue about Miller's picaresque life as an impoverished expatriate in France in the early 1930s.

The book benefited from favorable early critical response and gained popular notoriety later as a result of obscenity trials. Containing little plot on narrative, Tropic of Cancer is made up of anecdotes, philosophizing, and rambling celebrations of life. Despite his poverty, Miller extols his manner of living, unfettered as it is by moral and social conventions. He lives largely off the resources of his friends. In exuberant and sometimes preposterous passages of unusual sexual frankness, he chronicles numerous encounters with women, including his mysterious wife Mona, as he pursues a fascination with female sexuality. Tropic of Cancer was the first of an autobiographical trilogy, followed by Black Spring (1936) and Tropic of Capricorn (1939)."

I love the fact that he feels that civilization tries to stranglehold the imagination, and creativity of the human being. I personally agree, and this book chronicles the unfettered human spirit. I haven't even read the book yet, and I love it. I found interest with the book earlier from a person who commented on one of my posts in the past. He thought I would find interest in it because of my own personal deviant qualities.

It always seems like people want to set a norm, so that they may feel in control. Yet Miller said, "The world is not to be put in order; the world is order, incarnate. It is for us to harmonize with this order." Whether that be acceptable or unacceptable in your opinion is beside the point. I think I'm going to enjoy this book, and the ones that will come after.














"What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience, is sexual intercourse." - Henry Miller with his wife at left, and her friend right.